Distance= Cancer And Other Simple Math Facts

February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day! First random thought: I have been rather interested to find out why people are so pessimistic. We have so many reasons to believe that things will just work out. Yeah, there are things that don't turn out the way we want them to but we learn, grow, adjust and make the best of what we are given. This has been a sentiment on my mind quite often since I started dating a girl from another state. When I tell people that I'm in a long distance relationship it's almost like I'm saying “I have end stage cancer with 0 percent chance that I will live.” People look at me and say “Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm here for you if you need anything!” Okay, maybe not like that but I can't express how many times people have said “Good luck with that!” Even though they are not really wishing us any luck but actually expressing their feeling of inevitable doom for our relationship. I wouldn't necessarily tell everyone to have a long distance relationship because it is hard and it takes the right people with the right attitudes but they can work...and not to get too cocky but I'm pretty positive that this one is going to work since I plan on marrying this chick. SOOOO, just for kicks and giggles I googled "What percentage of long distance relationships work out?" The yahoo answer came back: 

“0%
One, if not both parties get lonely and get tired of waiting. So they find the closest available, so they're not lonely anymore. The best thing, the other party won't know about it. The perfect scam. Eventually, they are caught, and it's over.”

Talk about pessimism. Holy cow! The whole relationship thing is not the only reason I worry about people's pessimism, in fact it's almost none of the reason. I just worry about people who automatically think that the worst will inevitably happen. Maybe optimism is a product of seeing stuff work out but I think that you “see stuff work out” through your perspective. It's seeing something not work out but then considering the other possibilities. There is a song called “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks. It's good ole Garth telling the story of running into his ex-girlfriend with his wife at a football game. Instead of explaining it maybe I'll just put the lyrics up. Just remember that with each failure there is usually something else up the Lord's proverbial sleeve.

Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams

And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

What TO And NOT To Do When Your Underwear Melts

February 1, 2012

So, the other day I was sitting in a Sunday school class at church and one of the people in the class said “If you woke up today with only the things you expressed gratitude in prayer for yesterday, what would you have?” Even if that comment was not a “Sunday school patron” original, I thought that the sentiment was rather poignant. It made me think “Oh man, what did I express gratitude for yesterday?” It made me realize that I would only have my family, girlfriend, the gospel and my wonderful sense of style but that I would be starving, homeless, car-less, jobless, completely unhealthy and to add insult to injury, I would be naked. I think most people would consider that a bad day... I put that into perspective and devised a horrible scenario...and it follows:

Whilst I was aslumber the heater that I run at night to keep myself toasty warm shot a spark forward and ignited my hair gel (which I recently found out is made with butane, the same fluid used in cigarette lighters). The slow burning fire started on my bookshelf, instantly igniting my Twilight collection (even Eclipse!). By this point my bookshelf is completely ablaze and I'm still asleep; I can sleep through anything, which as my parents noted, when I was six years old I slept through a 6.1 earthquake, even when my dresser fell and knocked a lamp onto me. I digress. The fire then lights my entire wardrobe on fire in my closet; igniting my shirts, shoes, pants and, gasp, my skivvies! The fire wraps around my room and sets my guitars and amplifiers ablaze...I'll admit that when I was young this very thing was a dream of mine but I was hoping it to be on stage in front of thousands of fans. Yet again, I digress. The fire then climbs the bottom of my bed and sets my mattress mostly ablaze. By the point that the fire catches my pants on fire I begin to stir, still asleep though. My phone is the first to explode from the heat... I'm awake by this point, my phone could wake me from a dead sleep, we're of one flesh... yet again, digression. I jump out of bed and notice that my clothes are on fire, I quickly strip from my clothes and hop out my window. By some freak accident I see that the fire has spread through the rest of the house and reaches my car, the fire hits the gasline, sparks the gas tank and my car explodes in a fourth of July worthy spectacle. Here I am standing outside in the buff...but I'm warm! The house and car that are smouldering off ample heat. I then realize that I have to go to work, I've never missed a day of work if I could prevent it so I begin walking to work. As I walk in to the office I am immediately fired for showing up nude... a fire-worthy offense if you ask me. I then sit outside chutisimo (as they would say in Spanish) and wish that I had been grateful!

I guess that's scenario is okay if you're A) a nudist, B) a pyromaniac, C) a masochist or D) all of the above but it made me seriously consider what I am grateful for! I consider myself a rather optimistic person and I know that all of the things which I did not have were things that could be replaced and the only thing that really matters to me is the people in my life. However, I haven't just been blessed with wonderful people in my life, I have been given so many things above and beyond wonderful company. I should remember that. I lived in the poorest country in South America for a couple years. I saw poverty, I saw people who were starving to death, people who had lost all of their family to famine and people who lived without electricity much less hot water, hot food or nice clothes. I noticed one thing though that made me feel shameful, they gave thanks for every grain of rice they had. A popular thing for Bolivians to say in their prayers was “Gracias por el pan de cada dia” or “Thank you for the bread of every day.” This was a humble expression of gratitude for even having a loaf of bread to eat every day, that the Lord had provided at least that much. Even if it was more than some bread they were grateful. It makes me really wish that more Americans could see life in a third world country and put into perspective how amazing their lives are. It's sad to me that after only three years of not being there I had forgotten about true gratitude. Anyway, that's my rant on gratitude.

A Good Excuse To Pee Your Pants

January 28, 2012

Okay, so this may seem super random but I think that pregnant women need to stop explaining how far along they are in weeks. You better believe that when you say that you are 27 weeks along that I am going to first attempt to divide that by four, fail, get angry at math and then instinctively become livid at your baby. I don't mean to be but it just happens! Why can't you just tell me “I'm almost 7 months pregnant” or I am 6 months and three weeks pregnant... I know you know how many months that is! You have a human being living inside of you! It tenderizes your kidneys, keeps you awake at night, makes you puke, sits on your bladder and makes you pee yourself when you sneeze, etc. so, I know you're aware of EXACTLY how long it has been in you and when it will be leaving you. Don't try to sound sophisticated by explaining to those of us who aren't deathly afraid of sneezing how far along you are. Thank you and I am sorry (not really) for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Mala Prohibawhat?

January 20, 2012

Tonight at institute we spoke about the gospel and we were asked in what way it has most blessed our lives. (For those who may be unfamiliar with the terminology, the gospel refers to the teachings, church, scriptures, revelations, etc. of Jesus Christ) Most people mentioned that the greatest blessing for them has been having a direction, purpose and understanding in their life. It's scary not knowing where we should be headed or what we should be doing, how to react to certain situations, temptations, experiences, mishaps and trials or how to have an optimistic view of any of the aforementioned topics. I was rather amazed at how many talked about how they would most likely be in a different spot or their life would be far different; be less happy, make bad decisions and be searching for a clear understanding of what they should be doing in their lives. It's hard to understand what is right and wrong in this day. Thomas S. Monson, the prophet, said recently that less than fifty years ago the standards of society and the standards of the church were somewhat comparable; chastity and virtue were cherished, promiscuity was frowned upon, blatant use of drugs and otherwise unhealthy habits were looked down upon but recently the standard of society has been “Let everyone do whatever makes them happy. Who are we to decide what a person should and should not do?”

When I was in my mid-teens I started attending college classes at the local community college and I began my freshman and sophomore work on my degree. When my counselor asked me what I wanted to get my associates degree in, I was unsure. She asked me “Well, what interests you?” I reflected on all my many interests and thought that it'd probably be difficult to get a degree in guitars, cars or girls (though I probably could have taught a rather lengthy course on female studies)... so, I chose my other interest: CSI. Yep, Crime Scene Investigation... the TV show about using high tech procedures to solve crimes then wrap up every case with a horrible pun like “This goes to show all those bank robbers that crime does NOT pay!” I decided to get a degree in criminal justice, which I did... which coincidentally, I have never used for anything; that's what you get when you let a fifteen year old make grown up decisions. Anyway, the reason I tell that long drawn out story is that there are only a couple things I remember from the 2 years of course work in criminal justice and one of them is that there are two types of crimes: Mala en se and Mala prohibida.

They're fancy Latin words that my fifteen year old mind thought sounded cool so I committed them to memory, I'm so proud of the thousands of dollars my parents spent on my education. Mala en se is a crime that is just wrong in itself, in fact mala is the Latin for bad and se is the Latin word for self, thus bad in self. These are crimes that are just inherently wrong. Murder is almost universally accepted as wrong in itself. Rape is usually considered wrong no matter what and so forth. There are them crimes that are considered Mala Prohibida which means that the crime is wrong only because the law says so. For example, Marijuana is widely accepted and is not considered bad in many societies. The smoking of it in the US is considered bad only because the law prohibits it.

The interesting thing about Mala Prohibida laws is that they are based completely on the society that accepts them. What might have been considered wrong 50 years ago could be widely accepted as normal behavior today. You see how I did a full circle back to my original point? I'm glad you hung in for the ride! Honestly, it scares me to think of the world that my little sister and my children are/will grow up in. Sex is something that used to be revered and respected. It was possibly even considered sacred by society. Sex now is like a foodstamp being handed out to anyone. I have a good friend whose new year resolution for himself was to sleep with 2 different girls every month for the entire year. It broke my heart when he said that. He's a great guy but that is the culture we live in now. That is now the norm.

The gospel is a beacon to me. Honestly, were it not for the gospel I might make those same mistakes. It offers direction and guidance to me as I walk through a world with crumbling values and disintegrating standards. This doesn't just apply to temptation but also applies to trials and calamities that come to pass in one's life. It can be difficult to see bad things happen to good people and see wicked men triumph while good men suffer. The gospel offers peace and understanding in the face of disparity and heartbreak.

I don't write this as a person who says “Look how much more blessed I am that everyone else!” I write this with a gratitude for what I have been taught and where it has led me. I wish everyone could have the sense of direction that I've felt and I wish that people could feel confidence in the face of tribulations. There are many bad things that happen in this world and without understanding one could feel hopeless. There is hope though. The word gospel literally means “Good News” and I believe that that is true!

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder, Right?

Soooooo, I have not POSTED a blog in over a month. I did all caps on POSTED because that does not mean that I haven't WRITTEN a post in over a month. Although, it would be prudent now to mention that that goal I had of writing a blog every day this year has not only failed but has been beaten and stuffed into a coffin. There is no way that I will recover, haha. However, the important thing to know is that my goal keep a blog of random thoughts has not died. I will post in succession some of the random things I've written; both on napkins and other physical and electronic means. Therefore, enjoy the next bits of random stuff.