Typing 101

January 13, 2012

Yes, i missed yesterday's blog! Get over it! I'm submitting this from Utah so it may look like its being submitted late but it's still 11pm in California! Haha!

So, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend the other day and for some reason we started talking about what each other's type was...y'know, what kind of person we found ourselves attracted to. Now, this is a very risky path to walk and a shallow pool to tread in... no pun intended! If you're talking to your girlfriend about what type of girl you're attracted to and your girlfriend happens to be 5'4, 125 pounds, blonde hair, blue eyes and has a freckle on her cheek you better say "my type is a girl who is about 5'4, 125 pounds, blonde hair, blue eyes and has a freckle on her cheek...that freckle is essential to my attraction to a girl!"

Luckily I didn't have to lie to her! ...plus she'll read this so I wouldn't say I'd lied if i had! However, it made me think about people's types. I wondered what my friends looked for in a potential crush (or more).

So, I polled about twenty of my random friends, both dudes and chicks from one spectrum of the late teens to early thirties. I got a ton of different responses ranging from "Taylor Swift! If she's not her then she better be a darn good doppelgänger or equally attractive cousin!" to "I just want someone who makes me laugh and is a good person." I found that most of my friends fell somewhere in the middle. I'll be honest, I was a little surprised that my friends weren't that shallow. I'll summarize and generalize what they said:

Dude Recon
Most dudes don't want a super skinny chick. She has to have some substance to her or as one dude said: "I'm not laying my head on a chick who is as bony as the grim reaper!"
Most dudes prefer a girl who is physically active
Hair color doesn't matter really
All dudes said that a sense of humor is important
Most dudes said the girl had to be shorter than him

Chick-con
Dude>Chick ...for my mathematically challenged friends that is not a chick-alligator eating a dude, that's a greater than sign. It implies that the dude must be taller.
Dude can't be slimmer than the chick but can't be monstrous either. Chicks like to feel safe
Dude must have a job
Hair/eye color don't matter
Chicks like a dude with some muscle but yet again not monstrous!
All chicks said a sense of humor is important

These are generalities of course but those were the consensus opinions. Kinda cool! Well, that's the end of my random thoughts for today!

The Water Department In The Swamp

January 12, 2012

Yeah, I totally forgot to write a post yesterday... Meh, you'll get over it. I'll keep this one short; I don't want to spend too much time tonight. Here's a little story I thought I'd jot down.

A week or two ago I was driving down the road, and I saw the city water department building. A building like that would normally have gone completely unnoticed to me but it brought back a simple memory. Every month when I was on my mission as a zone leader I would have to go pay the water bills for the missionaries that made up my zone. I remembered that the building was in a dirty, muddy part of town and my companion and I, either Elder Bricenho or Elder Huarca, would tread through the muddy swamp to get there, accomplish whatever our business was and then walk back to wherever we needed to go. That memory seems so insignificant but it affected me. It reminded me of what it felt like to be on a mission. I was suddenly struck with gratitude and I offered an open-eyed prayer as I drove past that water department in Victorville. I was so blessed for the opportunity to serve the Lord, going to another corner of the earth to share what I simply had felt and been blessed with. It was an experience that I will never forget. It was there in the jungles, deserts and swamps of Bolivia, that I learned a little better how to be a man. More importantly, it was there that I learned so much better how to be a man of God. I loved those people dearly, my heart ached for them and I think about them constantly. I believe that almost every missionary leaves their mission knowing they could have done more... they could have had more energy, talked to more people, tried harder, prayed harder, lived slightly better, etc. I certainly felt that and to be honest, it bothered me greatly until just recently. I had remembered so often those occasions when I didn't give EVERYTHING I had to give. As I prayed I told the Lord my feelings of regret and the feeling was almost instantaneous when I felt the Lord speak to my soul and tell me it was okay, that he was proud of me. I don’t remember whether I teared up or not but I do know that I felt the spirit completely soothe me.

That was rather personal. Don't know why I felt to share it with the whole world but perhaps someone will take something from that that will benefit them.

I Just G-G-G-Got Deep On Y'all!

January 10, 2012


When I was 18 I bought a CD at a music shop and I had no idea who the band was. The CD was 5 bucks and I thought "Why the heck not? Let's be spontaneous and try a band I've never heard of!" So, I bought the CD and threw it in my CD player. The band was called Thrice and the CD was in poor quality but played fine. The CD was decent but nothing really stood out until the title track called "The Artist In The Ambulance" came on. I began listening to the lyrics and instantly I was hooked on an idea: that sometimes we are given second chances and sometimes we need a rude awakening to help us become the people we need to be. Here are the lyrics...


THE ARTIST IN THE AMBULANCE
Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel lift me up
And I open bloodshot eyes
into fluorescent white
They flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and I am gone


Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger
And I realize that empty words are not enough
I'm left here with the question of 
just what have I to show except 
the promises I never kept?
I lie here shaking on this bed, 
under the weight of my regrets
I hope that I will never let you down
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound


Look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares
It gets me down but I'm still gonna try to do what's right, I know that there's
A difference between sleight of hand, 
and giving everything you have
There's a line drawn in the sand, i'm working up the will to cross it


Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of always talking when there's no change
I'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow


Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel steal me from the
Greedy jaws of death and chance, 
and pull me in with steady hands
They've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance
Can we pick you off the ground, 
more than flashing lights and sound


Here's the song...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ton0a230_s


The lyrics just kinda struck me that if I were suddenly put face to face with death would I be ready to go? ...would I have lived the life I knew I should have? Will I "lie here shaking on this bed under the weight of my regrets" or say "what do I have to show except the promises I never kept?" I like the idea that we most likely will not die tomorrow but we can live better today.


Another song that contrasts this theme is a song by my favorite band, Bayside, called You've Already Been. This song illustrates a man who is going down on a crashing plane and contemplates his life and times and wonders if he'll end up in Heaven or Hell. The plane doesn't crash and he doesn't change but g-g-g-goes back to his selfish ways. Then later in life he is taken back to that moment when the plane is crashing but he hasn't changed even though he had the chance but this time he's not so lucky. In spite of his constant self-reassurance that he is in command it doesn't save him. The lyrics...


YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN
Let's say, that you're on a plane
It's going down fast
And you had time to think about
Your life and times
And where you'll end up


They say there's a place
You worry what it might be like
And you scream 'cause you're scared


What if I swore to God?
Would you believe me then?
Isn't there something to be said about
Brand name recognition


Let's say, your plane didn't crash
And you should survive
Would g-g-go back to your selfish ways
And deny this was divine?


They say there's a place
You worry what it might be like
And scream 'cause you're scared


What if I swore to God?
Would you believe me then?
Isn't there something to be said about
Brand name recognition


What can I say?
We ate the apple anyway
And you'll wonder when you'll get there
When you've already been


Well let's say that this happens again
This time you were rotated back
Believe what ever's right for you
Don't doubt your worth
Stay in command


What if I swore to God?
Would you believe me then?
Isn't there something to be said about
Brand name recognition


What can I say?
We ate the apple anyway
And you'll wonder when you'll get there
When you've already been
When you've already been


Here's the song...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wRQFD1q7vY


Something to think about.

You Know You Laughed...Don't Deny It!

January 9, 2012

Today I really will be short! You just watch!

I read a book by Helen Keller today. It was a fantastic read! It was called “Around the House in 80 days.” You should look it up! Never mind that book Around the World in 80 days! This is better!

...end transmission...

I Bet Willy Wonka Was A Mormon...

January 8, 2012

Okay, so I failed yet again to keep my previous blog short and sweet. Today I will do my best to keep it bearable in length.

Since today is Sunday I thought I would share a little insight about religion...and Willy Wonka!

One of my favorite movies ever is called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, made in 1971... not to be confused with the abomination that is “Johnny Wonka” made in two thousand something. Long story short; Willy Wonka owns a chocolate factory. He promises a life time supply of chocolate to 5 lucky kids as they tour his factory. Crazy stuff happens and in the end the only one of the 5 kids that is left alive/not a blueberry is Charlie Bucket, a humble kid. After passing a test Willy Wonka says that he is going to give his chocolate factory to Charlie to run. Charlie's grandfather says “But he's only a boy!” to which Willy responds “Exactly! I had to choose a child because a child will do exactly as I say and run the factory how I specify. If I give it to an adult they will try to run it their own way and change things. It has to be a child!”

Mormonism is an interesting thing, it's a beast all its own. A catholic priest once said (and I paraphrase): “Well, as Christianity goes, it's either the Catholics or the Mormons that are right. Every single christian denomination is an offshoot of Catholicism as they protested and started their new churches except the Mormons. Either they're right or we are.” What he was referring to is the fact that the Mormon church is not a protestant sect of Christianity, implying that the Catholic church can supposedly trace its origins back to the original apostles and any church that comes afterward is just an offshoot of that church by authority. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, however, was restored. That means that Jesus Christ started his true church while he was here on earth with apostles, prophets, teachers, etc. and eventually that church was destroyed. People killed Christ, killed the apostles (Peter was crucified upside down, Paul was beheaded, some were stoned and so forth), and with the death of those priesthood leaders the church was lost in a time called apostasy. Almost two millenia after the original church fell in to apostasy God RESTORED that church again. Restored is a good word because it implies that the church was taken (after the authority was lost) and then put back exactly how it was before. God called a prophet, 12 apostles and started the same exact church again. That prophet's name was Joseph Smith. We do not worship him, we do not pray to him and we do not look to anyone but Jesus Christ for salvation. He was a prophet and coincidentally he was also 14 when he was first called to be a prophet

Today at church, one of the presiding leaders in our ward said “I know a lot of 14 years olds and I would not entrust a work so great into the hands of a 14 year old.” I completely understand his sentiment... I remember when I was 14 and I'm surprised I'm still alive today! However, that age is extremely important in considering why God would call a boy to restore his church.

Here's where Willy Wonka comes into play! People wonder why God chose a 14 year old boy and that is exactly why. God needed to restore his church on the earth and he needed it done precisely as he wanted it. God called a young prophet and gave him specifications on how to restore the gospel. An adult might have gotten a big ego or tried to run it his way...possibly to gain wealth like so many religious organizations are erected for. God chose a boy and instructed him step-by-step and that church and gospel were RESTORED. Not differently than when Jesus Christ did it but exactly how he had originally established it.

I failed again at being short and simple. Sorry... I hope this makes sense but if not please comment and let me know!

27 Neck-Ties

January 7, 2012

Man, I am not keeping up on my promise that my blogs would be shorter! I will do better and start being short and to the point.

So, I've been a groomsman or a best-man in like 15 weddings, no joke! Have you ever seen the movie about the chick who was a bridemaid or maid of honor in 27 different weddings but can never get married herself called “27 Dresses”? Well, as I lay here in bed I look into my closet where I have all of my ties hanging and I am seriously thinking about writing and starring in a movie called “27 Neck-ties” for all of the ties I have from being in wedding parties.

Now, I'm not complaining, it has been awesome being a partaker of such delicious rehearsal dinners/dinners/reception food on so many different occasions... but seriously that is a lot of stinkin' ties! It kinda made me hate love! You never feel more “I'm sitting her all alone as people are in love all around me so I'm going to be more bitter than a spoonful of salt” (yes, that is an emotion) than when you are at a friend's wedding and they are disgustingly cute together. Haha!

Now I should probably shift the focus of this blog and be more positive, so, what this blog is really about is the cool stuff! The cool thing about so many ties is that each has a story and I've accompanied friends of mine that have been so disgustingly, hopelessly, gag-reflex-inducingly in love and it makes me happy. As I type this my married roommates are in the living room and he is playing the accordion and singing a song from The Lady and the Tramp to his lovely bride... I know! I threw up a little in my mouth too! However, I've known both of them for a while and I love them and I am soooooooo happy for them!

Normally I would hate anything to do with love, mushy stuff or imagining my roommates sitting in the living room looking rather puppyish as they share a plate of spaghetti and they accidentally slurp a noodle that leaves them kissing but for one of the few times in my life I am not single and I'm extremely happy about that fact. This isn't going to be one of those blogs with me being mushy or anything but I just have to say that my girlfriend is kafreakin' awesome! Seriously, that chick is cool and she's not bad on the eyes either...and that's kinda cool for me. I'm sure I'll write a blog about her sometime but it'll have to wait. Anyway, so, for now I'm not feeling lonely... even though she lives in a different solar system.

Those ties aren't mocking me like they usually do... but if they start mocking me again so help me I will use them to test the acidity of my bath-water then laugh as the clown loses again! (If you do not understand that joke then please read the previous blog)

HCTMHWAAGTSMUATMTTNWIWBETRITMOTLMFFTTA...It's a thing!

January 6, 2012

(I wrote a few blogs but never posted them, so here they are for your reading pleasure)

So, recently I was sitting in my living room with some close friends of mine... which seems to be a daily ritual! No joke, there are at any given time about 10 people who do not live here who practically live here and sometimes that can be a problem. Often I will arise to go to work anywhere between 4am and 10am and there will be random people in the living room. I usually think nothing of seeing random people in my living room because they are 9 times out of 10 a friend of one of my roomies. One time I entered our living room around 6am and there was a very skinny kid, dressed in a warped tour t-shirt that smelled strongly of mothballs, embalming fluid and catnip... don't ask me why I know what the combination of said aromas smells like, I don't really care to talk about the summer I spent working at a funeral home. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it and went to work. When I came back he was gone and I felt it appropriate to ask my roomies about which one of them was his acquaintance. I spoke to them in sequential order, descending in age from oldest to youngest and none of them knew who he was. Nothing had been stolen but I washed the couch cover...twice good measure.

Anyway, the previous story holds no bearing to what I was planning on talking about. So, anyway, my friends and I were talking and one of them asked what our most irrational fears are. Now, you need to understand that I have a ridiculously large list of irrational fears. Like, I don't mean somewhat rational fears, I'm talking ridiculous stuff. So, I thought I would share some of my irrationally rational fears and some that are, as a few dear friends of mine would say, RIDIC!

First of all, I am terrified of the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz. Charisdnatphobia is the fear of monkeys and aviophobia is the fear of flying...combine those two together and you have charisdnaviophobia but I will settle for just calling it “Holy-crap-those-monkeys-have-wings-and-are-going-to-snatch-me-up-and-take-me-to-their-nest-where-I-will-be-eaten-then-regurgitated-into-the-mouths-of-their-little-mini-flying-freaky-things-too-aphobia” or in the clinical world: HCTMHWAAGTSMUATMTTNWIWBETRITMOTLMFFTTA for short (pronounced phonetically)

I'm also afraid of Bob Barker. Ever since I was little my family watched The Price Is Right religiously and the host scared me living daylights of me. His skin is orange! Like not a weird looking tan but the dude is freakin' orange. He looks like a full-sized Oompa Loompa!

I fear wearing a tie that is too tight. Apart from feeling like I'm walking around being strangled by a very weak person, I'm afraid that it will some how restrict the blood-flow of the arteries in my neck or restrict my breathing...wearing a backpack while wearing a tie is like having a very weak midget on my back strangling me... needless to say, serving as a missionary was an interesting endeavor for me

(thanks to Mitch Hedburg for the comedic thievery I just committed)

Also, I'm afraid of clowns...now I can hear you critics already: “But Caleb, a fear of clowns is very common and mildly rational.” No, you don't get it! I'm afraid that a clown has done something especially menacing, such as: putting a nail sticking straight up in my pillow, exchanging my bathwater with acid or turning the gas on in my stove without lighting it. So, suck on that you naysaying dissenters! That ain't normal and I know it! I'll admit this is a fear that has gone away but when I was younger I would throw a toy into my bath water to see if it'd melt or I'd make my brother sit on my pillow just in case there was a nail...and then when nothing happened I would laugh heartily just in case that little bugger was watching me as I foiled his plans.

Well, there ya go. My completely irrational fears!

P.S.: Don't forget to put on your tin-foil helmets so that the government can't read your mind!