January 6, 2012
(I wrote a few blogs but never posted them, so here they are for your reading pleasure)
So, recently I was sitting in my living room with some close friends of mine... which seems to be a daily ritual! No joke, there are at any given time about 10 people who do not live here who practically live here and sometimes that can be a problem. Often I will arise to go to work anywhere between 4am and 10am and there will be random people in the living room. I usually think nothing of seeing random people in my living room because they are 9 times out of 10 a friend of one of my roomies. One time I entered our living room around 6am and there was a very skinny kid, dressed in a warped tour t-shirt that smelled strongly of mothballs, embalming fluid and catnip... don't ask me why I know what the combination of said aromas smells like, I don't really care to talk about the summer I spent working at a funeral home. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it and went to work. When I came back he was gone and I felt it appropriate to ask my roomies about which one of them was his acquaintance. I spoke to them in sequential order, descending in age from oldest to youngest and none of them knew who he was. Nothing had been stolen but I washed the couch cover...twice good measure.
Anyway, the previous story holds no bearing to what I was planning on talking about. So, anyway, my friends and I were talking and one of them asked what our most irrational fears are. Now, you need to understand that I have a ridiculously large list of irrational fears. Like, I don't mean somewhat rational fears, I'm talking ridiculous stuff. So, I thought I would share some of my irrationally rational fears and some that are, as a few dear friends of mine would say, RIDIC!
First of all, I am terrified of the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz. Charisdnatphobia is the fear of monkeys and aviophobia is the fear of flying...combine those two together and you have charisdnaviophobia but I will settle for just calling it “Holy-crap-those-monkeys-have-wings-and-are-going-to-snatch-me-up-and-take-me-to-their-nest-where-I-will-be-eaten-then-regurgitated-into-the-mouths-of-their-little-mini-flying-freaky-things-too-aphobia” or in the clinical world: HCTMHWAAGTSMUATMTTNWIWBETRITMOTLMFFTTA for short (pronounced phonetically)
I'm also afraid of Bob Barker. Ever since I was little my family watched The Price Is Right religiously and the host scared me living daylights of me. His skin is orange! Like not a weird looking tan but the dude is freakin' orange. He looks like a full-sized Oompa Loompa!
I fear wearing a tie that is too tight. Apart from feeling like I'm walking around being strangled by a very weak person, I'm afraid that it will some how restrict the blood-flow of the arteries in my neck or restrict my breathing...wearing a backpack while wearing a tie is like having a very weak midget on my back strangling me... needless to say, serving as a missionary was an interesting endeavor for me
(thanks to Mitch Hedburg for the comedic thievery I just committed)
Also, I'm afraid of clowns...now I can hear you critics already: “But Caleb, a fear of clowns is very common and mildly rational.” No, you don't get it! I'm afraid that a clown has done something especially menacing, such as: putting a nail sticking straight up in my pillow, exchanging my bathwater with acid or turning the gas on in my stove without lighting it. So, suck on that you naysaying dissenters! That ain't normal and I know it! I'll admit this is a fear that has gone away but when I was younger I would throw a toy into my bath water to see if it'd melt or I'd make my brother sit on my pillow just in case there was a nail...and then when nothing happened I would laugh heartily just in case that little bugger was watching me as I foiled his plans.Well, there ya go. My completely irrational fears!
P.S.: Don't forget to put on your tin-foil helmets so that the government can't read your mind!
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