Stop! Grammar Time!

January 3,2012


So, day 3...blah blah blah. I'm so proud of my...blah blah blah. No, but seriously! I'm way surprised I'm still doing this! 

So, I'm a grammar Nazi. I'm not opposed to a call for complete genocide on those who misuse the words their, they're and there or too, to and two or even you're and your. I minored in English, I have read through the LA Times with a red pen correcting the incorrect punctuation, grammar and spelling and I cringe every single time I watch Star Wars and hear Yoda speak. With that being said; I will not stress myself on this blog about being overly proper with my grammatical, typographical, syntactical or anything-else-igraphical correctness. Mostly because I do my blogs on my phone and it's kinda hard for me be too uptight when I have 3.5x4 inches squared of space on my iPhone screen to move my gigantic hands and fingers upon... no, seriously my fingers are huge... if by some freak accident my fingers got stuck between a hot dog bun I wouldn't fault you if you tried to take a bite... I'd be lying if I didn't say it's happened to me...twice. Maybe four times. 

Anyway, the reason I think about the fact that I am a grammar Nazi is because today I started my college classes again and it became painfully evident to me that most people are either Math-oriented or Language-oriented...there's some idiotic theory about the different hemispheres of the brain, I dunno... I will be the first to admit that I only barely fall into the latter category but I KNOW that I'm no math person. So, I sat in class and the math teacher decided to use an allegory to explain infinite sets. He begins writing on the board while using an example: "Imagine that Joe works at the front desk of Hotel Infinity: Hotel Infinity has infinite rooms. As he is starting his shift the person that he is taking over for says 'All the rooms are full.' Joe then sits down just as a bus full of infinite people shows up and each person needs a room. Joe decides that he will move each person to the next room so that there is sufficient space. He moves the person in room one to to room two. The person in room 3 to room 6. The person in room 6 to room 12, etc., so that there will be space." I raise my hand and he says "Caleb, would you like to finish the set?" I said "No, I actually didn't understand anything you just said, I just wanted you to know that you spelled infinite, algorithm and augment incorrectly." After grumbling something that sounded a lot like a disjointed string of obscenities about my mother under his breath he just erased everything on the board and said "This is going to be a long semester."

Now, you need to understand that I hold such a high disdain for all things mathematical that I've already decided to start a break-off sect of Mormonism that believes in all the things Mormonism currently accepts except math (see how I used both accept and except correctly?) because I am convinced that Satan/Lucifer, the father of lies and contention, destroyer of happiness, the mortal enemy and the morning star also created Math. Don't believe me? The earliest developers and users of math were the Babylonians who coincidentally were the first to refine the mustard seed to make mustard (Satan's first invention after his snake-suit). Point made.


Well, as you sit there and reflect on the fact you just wasted five minutes of your life reading about grammar I want you to recognize that there is a warning/subtitle that explicitly states that this blog is simply my random ramblings and I am following through on that! I just wanted to establish that my grammar is gooder than you'res.


And now, your moment of zen...